The Turkey Assignment

Ethan wrote this for a Language Arts assignment. We thought it was pretty funny.

Turkey Assignment

Dear Son,

I have made it to my final destination. It has been a wild couple of days.

You know, I have always lived a quiet life, especially since your mother ran off with that gentleman in the white apron and tall white hat… I’ll never figure out what “BAM!” meant, but he sure did say that a lot.

Anyway, it all started earlier this week when a black suburban pulled up in front of the farm. The car door opened and a few men dressed in black suits walked up and talked to Joe the owner of the farm. I heard one of the men say, “we will take that one,” as he pointed at me.

Next thing I know, I am being put in a metal frame cage and carried to the black vehicle. They started up the suburban and we whisked down the highway. We arrived at some strange place that I have never seen before. They pulled me out of the SUV and carried me up towards a very large house that was all white with large pillars and many windows.

Then I met Tom, he was a Turkey from a farm down south. He wasn’t very talkative. I’m sure it’s hard to have a decent conversation when you are that fat anyway. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him, he kept muttering to himself something about how there was no way out of this now that I was here. He said that they could have at least picked another bird with meat on his bones. I found that a little offensive.

Later that afternoon Tom and I were brought out to a lovely garden, I’ve never seen such roses before. I can tell you, son, they didn’t grow them like that back on the farm. There were all of these people standing out talking and taking pictures of us. I really had no idea what I had done to deserve this.

Then this nice gentleman stepped out into the garden with more of those men in dark suits. All of the sudden the people with cameras started shouting, “Mr. President, Mr. President! Do you have any comments?”

I thought to myself that this person must be very important. He was dressed in a light blue suit and had a strange accent. He mispronounced a lot of words, but hey, nobody’s perfect. He squinted up his eyes, smiled at me and said, “Hey, Turkey-Turkey, how’re you doing there, lil’ fella?” Then he looked over at a lady in a pink suit and said, “Laura, I don’t think this scrawny fella will do, do you?” She said, “No, George, I like that fat one over there much better.” My new friend Tom groaned when he heard that.

Then George or Mr. President, whatever his name was, looked over at me and said, “Well, Turkey, I pardon you.” I thought that was pretty strange, because he hadn’t offended me one little bit. We hadn’t even had much of a chance to talk. Maybe he was talking about the whole cage thing, but that didn’t bother me much, it was a nice drive after all.

Then they put me back in the cage and said I was a real lucky bird. Last time I saw Tom he was being hauled off the same guy your mom left with a couple of years ago. And, I still don’t understand why he keeps saying, “BAM!”

Anyway, I’m at a lovely retirement home called, “Kiddy Farms” with a lovely group of animals. They have all of these little children that come through and love to pet us. Life is looking pretty good now. Sure hope you’ll come up and visit soon.

Love,

Dad